A complicated look at uncomplicated topics to ameliorate your day.
History: Cinnamon has been around since before Adam wore board shorts. Specifically it was around when Moses wore them (pre-Red Sea parting escapades). It has scented the beds of the world’s great lovers; Sappho, Cleopatra, Casanova, Irish Catholics, Tiger Woods etc and is known to heighten libido, attraction, lust, inability to keep clothes on and all forms of common sense. It was used to seduce native Sri Lankans into letting the Portuguese conquer them and control production for a century or so before being outmanoeuvred by the Dutch who required copious amounts of it to flavour teas.
Source of Production: Sri Lanka is responsible for 80- 90% of the world’s cinnamon production. This explains why they could only hang around for 2.5 days of the Boxing Day Test in 2012. Cinnamon production waits for no man or behemoth of the cricketing fixture.
Uses: Seduction, spicing pear, making apples vital and driving berries wild, burning paint off the window sill, providing the zing in Apple Pie and ‘that’ scene in American Pie
Qualifications: Bachelor of Agriculture from the University of Anjarakkandy, Major: Sugar and Spice. Minor: All things nice
Specifications: Cinnamon has several different guises, they are listed below…
Alba: less than 6 mm (0.24 in) in diameter. Sweet like Honey, attracts a lot of Cash, can develop a forcefield of attraction
Continental: less than 16 mm (0.63 in) in diameter. Not to be confused with the sausage, but just as long. Plies an accent, cracking hirsuteness & an interesting odour.
Mexican: less than 19 mm (0.75 in) in diameter. Fond of maracas, Frida Kahlo and found frequently in bed with Tequila.
Hamburg: less than 32 mm (1.3 in) in diameter. Like all German Sausages, long, thick, strong and often found between a continental European and a Scandinavian.
The Future: The future looks bright for this staple of seduction. Cinnamon has recently been adopted by the health boffins of the world as tests have shown it has anti-inflammatory, anti-cancerous, anti-fungal, anti-bacterial, anti-clotting, anti-war, anti-Bush, anti-racism properties and could be the very spice to lead us into the future. Well, it’s either the cinnamon or the copious amounts of sex all of those tested were having. Keep your clothes on and stay tuned for further results.